Living Life in the Little Moments

Our lives are made up of little moments. Little moments are, in fact, what make up our days, years, and lives. We may think it's an accumulation of big events, accomplishments, and milestones, but most of our time is spent in between those more impressive things.

Most of our time is spent in the nitty-gritty details and experiences of everyday life-- making dinner, running errands, going to work, daily walks, calling our parents, visiting with friends, gathering around the table.

I read a book called A Jane Austen Education a while back, and while I expected to be entertained by it (a man's reflections upon reading Austen, sign me up!), I hadn't expected to glean any kind of deep moral lesson. But I did.

GAINING PERSPECTIVE

“Every life is eventful, if only you know how to look at it.” - William Deresiewicz
“Austen, I realized, had not been writing about everyday things because she couldn’t think of anything else to talk about. She had been writing about them because she wanted to show how important they really are.” - William Deresiewicz

All too often, I find myself dismissing the daily things and looking only to the big events— to gauge the passing of time, to evaluate a good day or week in contrast with a not-so-good day or week, to update people when they ask “what’s new?”

But is that the most accurate way to live, to just sum up our lives that are so full of beauty, complexity, and detail to a few bulleted highlights?

I’m not so sure.

Do people only want to hear about the big trip I went on or what the highlight of my entire summer was, or do they want to also hear that I’ve been enjoying slower Sunday mornings with a book, that I’m loving our new loveseat, that I wish I wasn’t so hopelessly addicted to Netflix, that I’m already shopping for Christmas, and that I have a new favorite fall candle? I think it’s the latter, at least most of the time when people genuinely ask.

Don’t get me wrong; I’m not great at this. But I’m beginning to wonder if I need to pause more to see the beauty, complexity, and detail in the everyday so I can appreciate it more and stop skipping over it. I have a habit of thinking of all the things I’m grateful for as I lay in bed every night. I love this practice because it stops me from spinning about what went sideways or what I could have done differently or what I have to do tomorrow (all of which could keep me up for hours!) and instead redirects my focus to the ways God showed up.

It helps me to think about the people I love most— my husband, my best friend, my parents, my sister— and consider what I love about them. It’s not that they did some big thing for me once, but it’s that they’ve been with me through the ups and downs of years of my life, through thick and thin, showing up with small kindnesses (and sometimes big kindnesses) to demonstrate their love and care for me. If they had only shown up once and thought that was enough, I’d question our relationship. It takes time, faithfulness, and consistency to develop that trust. And that’s true of us when we’re showing up in our lives, too.

When I’m thinking about what I’ve been grateful for that day, I come up with mostly little things, but together they make my days:

getting to read uninterrupted for an afternoon
enjoying delicious food with a friend
going for a hike with my husband
the smell of an amazing candle
shelves full of books to read
warm blankets
dry shoes
a good song on the radio
tail-wagging welcome home greetings from my dog
provision in a sticky situation at work
a sweet video of our nieces and nephew laughing, singing, dancing, or really anything they do

THE INTERSECTION WITH FAITH

The mundane parts of life aren't the enemy to God's movement; they are the soul for it. - Jennie Allen

I’ve heard pastors and speakers talk about how change happens incrementally, how the biggest differences we make in our lives and the lives of those around us happen in the daily grind, not necessarily the big events and milestones. God uses us in our daily lives, choices, words, and actions to shape those around us, to encourage them, to inspire them, to display the gospel to them. If we only showed up on Christmas and Easter but weren’t present for our friends, neighbors, family members, and coworkers day-to-day, we wouldn’t be able to build the kinds of relationships that true change is based on.

People find Jesus (and His hope, peace, joy, and love— don’t we all need more of that?) through other people, through us. And that kind of process takes time and consistent presence. It’s not enough to tell someone that God loves them once and then go on with our lives, leaving that person behind in the dust. The gospel is most fully embodied through lives lived like Jesus, and that’s a daily decision to follow in obedience. And it’s the kind of obedience that involves a lot of daily work, from initiating conversation, staying when you’d rather go, sticking with someone or something through tough times, being willing to be silent in the waiting when you don’t have all the answers, praising God through it all, admitting when you just don’t know, just being with people, and sometimes baking cookies or having dance parties. It’s real life. Messy, complicated, real life. And it requires our whole selves, our whole lives. It’s not something you can compartmentalize. The daily process is the work. And the daily process is also where you see the beauty— the beauty of small, incremental change and growth.

THE PRACTICAL PART

But how do I, how do we, actually start paying more attention to our daily lives instead of just letting them go by in a blur? I know I tend to forget to journal or take pictures on a regular basis until something “important” comes up.

Creating regular rhythms of reflection helps. Like my nighttime gratitude habit, combining tasks or setting aside specific time is a great way to make it a part of our everyday habits. Maybe you could start with five minutes every evening to reflect on the day and notice some things that you would have otherwise overlooked. It’s also our chance to look at places where we did show up and places we could seek to show up more.

I think I’m going to try asking myself a handful of questions. Would you like to join me?

what was beautiful today?
where was there a struggle today?
what did I learn today?
what good questions did I ask today?
where did I grow today?
what changed today?
what can I be grateful for today?

And then share it! Our joy is more complete when it is shared. Whether it’s honestly answering someone when they ask how you’re doing or what you’ve been up to, share something— your favorite new YouTube video, nail polish color, your strange dream, what you’ve been learning lately, what you’ve been reading, or something that made you smile yesterday! I’d love to have you tell me, too!

A Jane Austen Education: How Six Novels Taught Me About Love, Friendship, and the Things That Really Matter by William Deresiewicz

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