My one word for 2021 is “mindfulness.”

I like picking a word to focus on each year, even if I sometimes forget it before the year is half over. ;)

I find it to be a better approach than new year’s resolutions that feel too lofty, superficial, or doomed to fail. I’ve written about the difference before, but new year’s resolutions have never really felt like a great fit for me.

Instead, I like to pause each fall/early winter to really think and pray about what God might want me to focus on for the next year, asking what posture, area of my life, character trait, or challenge He might have in mind.

Previous words of the year for me have been rest (2016), beloved (2017), adventure (2018), new (2019), and cultivate (2020).

Mindfulness

So what does “mindfulness” really mean?

According to the Oxford dictionary:

For me, it just means paying attention to what I’m doing, what I’m feeling, what I’m thinking— and WHY.

It’s digging deep into the reasons and motivations behind why I do what I do (and think and feel) so that I’m not just operating on autopilot or doing things out of habits that I haven’t taken the time to question.

In a year that’s been thrown off-kilter with coronavirus, forcing us to stay home more, not see people, change our holidays and traditions, and hold all of our plans with open hands, I know I’m not the only one who has found some things exposed and at the same time developed some less-than-healthy coping mechanisms. Like binge-watching Netflix or eating too much chocolate, * ahem * (anybody else?).

While there is a time and place for coping however you need to cope, we’ve been in “unprecedented times” (I’m so tired of hearing that I just rolled my eyes at myself) for a year now, and for me, that means no more excuses. I can’t change the situation, but I can do my best to be my healthiest self (physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, relationally) in the midst of it by choosing how I respond within the confines of my circumstances. And still pray for them to change, like, now.

In her book Fierce, Free, and Full of Fire, Jen Hatmaker says this: “It [loving our bodies] begins with mindfulness, this sense of paying attention to where your body is and what she is doing without being judgmental.” While she’s talking about loving our bodies starting with mindfulness, I wanted to apply it to my whole life. And yours. Just consider what it looks like to crack open that can of worms for some digging:

Why do I turn to TV instead of reading a book, going for a walk, or calling a friend?

Why do I criticize myself instead of noticing my strengths and being grateful for what my body can do?

Why do I get irritated when I am interrupted?

What’s making me lose my patience so much?

How do I find the balance between pushing myself in my workouts and pushing myself too far?

Why does that particular subject cause me to lose my mind?

Why do I keep tensing up when that happens?

Why do I have a headache right now?

Why didn’t I sleep well last night?

What’s the right amount of nourishing my body with food (that makes me feel good and is generally more nutritious) versus nourishing my soul with food (that’s generally less nutritious but oh, so good, and makes food more fun)?

What I’m Learning

I’m learning that I make more choices than I realize. It’s amazing what you see when you pause to actually take notice of what you’re doing!

For instance, I have a habit of eating a snack after dinner. But the vast majority of the time (especially on weeknights, when there’s a narrower timeframe between dinner and bedtime), I’m not actually hungry. I’m just reaching for food out of habit. And that’s not necessarily a great choice to be making regularly when I am committed to my health.

I’ve also been taking a closer look at how I react in moments of conflict. I tend to retreat when I’m upset (thanks in part to my strong enneagram 5 wing), and it has been incredibly helpful to recognize when I’m doing that (even if I don’t always prevent myself from doing it, I do see it). When I notice myself wanting to run, hide, crawl under the blankets, go to bed early, get out of the house, or fill my days with plans— all so I can avoid conflict, I know there’s a problem. And I wouldn’t know that if I wasn’t trying to be more mindful of what’s going on in my head and my heart.

Beyond that, I’m learning to tune into my body during my workouts. Some days that means increasing reps, weights, and intensity. Other days, that means taking the modifications that are offered, using every possible water break, and dropping weights. While I would like to feel consistent in what I do, and ideally would like to keep getting faster and stronger, that’s not always the wisest choice if I’m tired, sore, or sick.

Being mindful doesn’t always mean I make the ideal choice. Just because I’m more aware of the choices I am making doesn’t mean I always make “better” choices. I might still eat a few squares of dark chocolate or stay up too late to finish an episode of a show instead of reading and going to bed on time, but I am proud that I’m making those choices more consciously. It sounds funny to say that, but it’s still progress.

Moving Forward

I’m still working on paying more attention to my choices, and since I have the whole year to work on this practice, I’m not in a rush.

However, I do plan to work my way past simply noticing my choices to making some better ones, at least more often than I currently am. I’m not aiming for perfection (thankfully; that’s an impossibly high bar), just progress.

Personally, just being mindful of what I’m doing isn’t enough in the long term. I don’t want to just be aware that I’m engaging in unhealthy behaviors or following old habits; I want to make better choices in the end. I believe the way to get there is to first pay attention to the choices I’m already making. It’s similar to tracking your expenses in order to budget and make better financial choices— before you can determine where your money should go, you need to take a look at where you’ve been spending it already.

I set goals every month for connecting with friends, budgeting (and sticking to it), working on my endurance or strength, deepening my relationship with God, and pouring into my marriage. And now I’m considering how I can be more mindful in other ways— like setting goals to work on talking more kindly to myself, or taking a breath to think before I complain or say something negative about another person or a situation. It doesn’t mean I’ll be perfect and never do those things (I know myself too well to be fooled into thinking that), but I know I could grow in those areas, and it’s not going to happen if I don’t start paying attention to them.

Where might you benefit from being more mindful in your life? I’d love to hear from you in the comments or via email at jessie@notesfromjessie.com!

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