How Do You Prepare for a Baby (Without Knowing the Gender)?
I get this question ALL THE TIME, and it usually just makes me smile. My husband and I are expecting our first baby in January 2023 (or February, depending on whether Baby T decides to come early or late), and we’ve chosen to wait to find out if we’re having a boy or a girl until the birth.
I do not at all resent this question, but it has sometimes left me a little perplexed. After all, most baby prep doesn’t revolve around whether you’re expecting a boy or a girl, anyway!
Why would you choose to not find out the gender?
This is a natural follow-up when people find out you’re electing to not find out if you’re having a boy or a girl. With modern medicine and science, the convenience of an ultrasound or other test to identify a baby’s gender in utero has become increasingly popular. There are multiple reasons people might have for choosing not to find out, however, and they may not always want to share, but we don’t mind!
Keeping the gender a surprise was an important decision for my husband, and I could have gone either way on the subject, so it was an easy choice. He’s pretty traditional and doesn’t think people need to know until their child is born because that’s the way it used to always be. So here are some reasons people might choose to be surprised at birth to find out if they’re having a boy or a girl.
ultrasounds to identify gender are not always correct, especially if baby isn’t in a cooperative position
the family hopes to have children of both genders over time and wants to avoid getting too many gender-specific items
the parents want to preserve the surprise
the parents are using the surprise as an extra motivator for birth, not just laboring to meet a baby, but to find out if their baby is a boy or a girl
when do you have to decide whether you’re going to learn your baby’s gender or not?
We were presented with the opportunity to learn or keep secret our baby’s gender at the 20-week anatomy ultrasound, which is routine procedure in pregnancy. I know of other couples who have found out earlier with blood tests, as well. [Keep in mind, I am in no way a medical professional; this is all based on our experience.] We knew from the beginning that we weren’t going to find out, but we didn’t have to state our decision until the 20-week mark (which is halfway through the pregnancy).
My husband was quite concerned that the ultrasound technician would slip up and tell us the gender or that we would accidentally see something that we didn’t want to see. But it was really so smooth that we had no reason to worry. The tech asked if we wanted to know, and when we said we didn’t, she made it clear when she was going to go over the bladder and said that was the time we’d want to avert our eyes in case there was anything to see on the screen that would identify gender. I looked up at the ceiling, and my husband covered his eyes and looked down at the floor.
We could have later changed our minds, since I got an additional visual ultrasound done at 32 weeks due to having Covid during my pregnancy (a routine response just to check that baby’s growth was normal). Our ultrasound technician confirmed our choice when doing the imaging and made no references that would have given away the gender.
How do you prepare without knowing if your baby is a boy or a girl?
I think preparing for all babies is likely very similar, whether you’re preparing for a boy, a girl, or a surprise. Granted, this is our first baby, but I imagine you’d have to cover all the same bases no matter what. You have to get all of the supplies regardless, and most of them aren’t heavily gendered unless you choose to go that route. You can get all the basic supplies without worrying about whether they’re geared toward boys or girls because most are made for both.
crib/bassinet
rocker/glider
changing pad/changing table
books
toys (blocks, balls, teethers, play mats, stuffed animals)
diapers and wipes
bottles
car seat and stroller
For things that are more often designed for either a boy or a girl, you have some options. You can try to find the middle ground, get some of each, or just get the basics and plan to add on later. We mostly tried to find middle ground, which meant a lot of neutral colors and patterns (more on decorating below).
sheets and blankets
clothes and accessories
nursery décor
Because babies outgrow clothing so quickly, it’s an easy place to focus on getting gender-neutral basics. You can certainly add gender-specific items once baby is born, but they likely won’t be able to fit in any given size for too long, so it’s the most economical to not overbuy in the smaller sizes, anyway. And if you end up having a boy and then a girl or vice versa, you’d be all set with your basics for both kids without having to go out and buy a whole new baby wardrobe. So there’s a bonus— this can save you money!
how do you decorate a nursery when you don’t know what you’re having?
My sarcastic response to questions like this is to say we’re having a baby, but I know what people mean. However, I didn’t want a nursery that was designed only for a boy or only for a girl in case our next child is the opposite. I do love to work on home projects and have a home I love, so waiting to decorate a nursery or leaving it mostly undecorated wasn’t an option for me (like it might be for some people— no judgment!). Here’s what I did:
painted the walls a light green color
bought furniture in greys and white
accented with a little orange here and there
painted old bookshelves white and applied a grey/green/black leaf patterned wallpaper to the back
mounted dark-stained shelves with signs and plants
put some animals (mostly of the woodland variety) in the decorations in small, limited ways— some storage baskets, some stuffed animals, a couple rope and embroidery floss animals to hang on the wall
We’re not 100% done yet, but it’s coming together. You can see the photos below for the progress. :)
What do you call your baby when talking about them?
This is a question my husband and I have occasionally struggled with, especially since I think saying “he or she” all the time is too many syllables, but saying “they” or “them” isn’t always grammatically correct. Of course, it’s ultimately up to the parents, and the vast majority of people parents-to-be talk to will understand what they mean, anyway.
we officially call our baby Baby T since that’s our last initial
we sometimes say the full “he or she” or “him or her”
we sometimes say “they” or “them,” even though saying “they’re moving so much!” sometimes can sound like I’m talking about multiples when there’s only one baby
we try to avoid calling the baby “it” since it’s an impersonal pronoun that’s usually applied to non-living things, and our baby is alive and kicking!
my husband loves the game he’s created of coming up with ridiculous gibberish names (like Jaegerfloofle) to assign to the baby, and we both get a good laugh out of it
Do you have kids? Did you choose to find out or be surprised about whether you were having a boy or a girl? I’d love to hear from you in the comments!
